There is nothing more I hate than coming home to an empty bed.Ok, maybe eggs or sardines are right up there but in generic non-douchey terms- this sux ass. Another fruitless night at the club(which I hate also), more tele numbers thrown around for silly men who tell me make sure I can "bruk buddy good".First of all, you are so raunchy for asking me such a question. Secondly, I wish I could. I have lost my sex appeal, lost my touch.I am officially a man. I may have to start looking for girls...I think not.

Why don't I know voodoo or doodoo or something.I hate being a godddamn girl with silly emotions for no reason. Sigh. I really like Asian #2 and it is ruining my life. As if I have not been through this scenario a DOZEN times. I know how to handle this. I know what the end result of this will be, it will not change. FUCK.
But maybe,just maybe this time it will be different.Maybe he will see my wonderful personality and charm and fall madly in love with me. MAYBE. I hope I am conveying the drama clearly with my use of the CapsLock. Everyone thinks I am looney for liking him, because he is rude- he wishes he were- or silly and immature..but what they do not see is his intellect, spontaneity and wit. Oh he is so clever it just tickles my ribs. I long to see his eye squint when he smiles, and hear his cotton-ball speech. Idiot. But I love him....yawn, the things I tell myself.

Smile empty soul

I feel empty. I am looking for the place where the sun shines and I cannot find it. I am also bored. Bored with myself and all that I am.Up to this point in my life, I have not done something of significance. I got into dental school.whoop! I have not yet tattooed my whole being. whoop whoop!But there are marks on my soul. This intangible yet obviously heavy piece of shit I carry around all day. To be untouchable.

I have been using quite a few people for company, sex, free drinks. Anything to keep what is left of my diminishing sanity. When it rains, it pours. 40 days.40 nights. What a beautiful thing that may be.

All I have been really wanting to do, is either sunbathe in the nude on a white sand beach somewhere.Or to lay out on a grassy field in the warmth. There are no flora and fauna here ,except for the shitty Central Park.
I wish I had some passion or drive. But nothing matters, and we all know that. Except maybe music...and I will just throw family in there because it is the right thing to say. The thought of having my own has been hovering around like a goddamn dagger. Gnawing at my poor little fallopian tube, these suckers just wanna get out and live too. I keep telling them I am an unfit mother and the world is cruel. Everyone wants to go live their own life I suppose.

And where? Where is this person, with whom I will choose to create another being? I shudder...I pretty much figure he is either dead or not out there. When will I make any real friends? Create real memories. Speaking of create, I would like to make something using my hands, but class 3 amalgam preps are somehow not what I had in mind.
Did I mention I have been hating school, and falling in and out of love with far too many men. Nothing beats the shiver when you get close to that someone and kiss with eyes closed- the first time. Keeps us coming back? Just for the record, I am using the word love rather loosley...