P is for pondering

Now,is it possible to live your whole live as a delusion? Yes. Is that the key to living, that "every little thing, is gonna be alright" or perhaps "everything happens for a reason." From the seemingly pointlessness of mosquitoes to the grandiose and vain idea of self-worth.

But what if you are not good at being delusional? And those times when everything seems so perfect and seems to make sense, are those moments of confusion? The people, who sit and gather daily with their ever so loving friends, who share with them their lives out of earnestness and not out of the fear of loneliness, is that too disillusionment. Or the married couple with children who have stop discovering each other and changing but somehow feel life is fulfilling and meaningful; do they not feel cheated?

I feel a sense of falsehood.Not that I am being fake, but partly so because there is so much about self and behavior I do not understand. I want to believe in those people that find their passion and true calling, who so freely say "this is what I was born for." Is life just about accepting what is there without probable explanation. Of course, the age old question never gets answered.

"Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion..."