This is Forever

This is Forever

Blogging my own blog..heh heh

Me against me

Day two of the online ranting.And once again I am not studying. Yah well, maybe I don't want to be a scholar after all,but rather spend my days doing random odd jobs-freelance writing..hmmm- such as this. Any Joe w/ access to the internet and computer can write some type of online article. Why am I blogging for free. Well on the contrary I am getting free space on the net to write about anything I damn well please... In other news my friend,who we will call - hmm, the creative juices sure aren't flowing-Ol' Yellow, yellow for short, until I figure out something else, sent me a nice website to aid me in my quest to battle my depression - lifeiswaiting.com - The title alone sounded catchy, but it is another ploy by the wonderful pharmaceutical companies to keep me drugged up w/ shit that does not seem to do anything but make my head pound. I can't help but think, did I miss the boat,the carnival,whatever parade float everyone else seems to be on. I desperately want to feel again- not that I felt much before. Did I also forget to mention how annoying it is for people to say "you're crazy!" in jest. Because the truth is, I am feeling a bit Sylvia Plathish and somehow may slowly slip away.In her journal she wrote:

"To annihilate the world by annihilation of one's self is the deluded height of desperate egoism. The simple way out of all the little brick dead ends we scratch our nails against.... I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb."

I used to be anti-blog,but...

So here I am embarking on the ridicuouls journey that is dental school. I know it will suck. I know I will no longer have a life- never really had a bang of a start.I happen to be a first year dental student at what I am told is the largest dental school in the nation. The joy is overflowing. Coming here only made me more withdrawn and sad, for reasons I may shed later. Let's just say I am not so good with adapting to change and doing a voluminous (is this a real word) amount of work.

See the problem is, I think I should be in design school somewhere, but somehow here I am . I know how I got here- majoring in Biochemistry and Molecular biology may have had some small influence. But knowing how I got here is not the problem, its why am I doing it? Hopefully, I won't become a dental school dropout and can make it through so I can finally buy that island off the tip off Fiji I always wanted. So I can relocate and attend to the dental needs of the ferrets and wild boars.
I realised I am living through some recurrent episode of "my so-called life" except I am not a teen, but some mid-young adult going through some intense crisis. It now became apparent to me, how little people know about depression- so when it happens, everyone is sooo bewildered they never saw it coming. Despite how you feel about Courtney Love, her voice has been soothing these past few days, and I can't help but wonder if this is some online therapy for me. There is no cause I am trying to support, or no local band who I want to get exposed. So why blog...besides the fact that I think most people's opinion suck, not that mine is so much better..but apparently mine is a bit out there. So just throwing a wrench in the spokes, allowing you to participate in this so-called life I lead as I tread throrugh 4 years of intense nonsense.
Suddenly, I feel like those "gamers" or people obsessively online at friendster,myspace or hi5. Aren't you people at work or school somewhere? Get busy! And yes, I am procrastinating.Grrr...11'o clock..my how time doth fly.