I have penis envy

First off..ever belched a beer burp through your nostrils, keeping your mouth closed? It burns.

So I began to contemplate why it sucks to be a woman. I may have mentioned it before, and obviously it is such an annoyance that I must mention again.

Getting the overstated things out the way: pregnancy acompanied by stretch marks and morning sickness to have a bastard child growing up to be a criminal, menstruating, emotional rollercoasters you have no control of,whining and complaining, being touchy- feely, indecisive and confused (yes these are general statements) but its the little things that kill:
1) wearing ridiculous stilettos to feel sexy- which I am slowly moving away from. Guys have no idea what a balancing act this is, especially when imbibing. Leaving corns, bunions, swollen red feet- it's just no fun.
2)Getting waxed- now I can't speak for the shavers, but it dawned on me today that I was "skinning out" half naked for a woman who is not my gynaecologist, to go into my nether regions to touch me and remove my pubic hair. Weird.Oh yeh, it is slightly painful too, but then your nerve endings pretty much lose sensation after repetition.
3)Being cat-called and harrassed- It's bad enough that we are expected to be sex symbols and ready to do it whenever and perform superb fellatio, but men seem to think we appreciate the names like "doll", "baby", "hottie","sweet thang","sexy" etc. I could go on, but there are ways to appreciate our beauty without trying to push your erect penis on me while dancing, or slapping my ass or trying to convince me of why I would like to return to your place. I do live somewhere I like and it does not involve your bed.
4) Stereotypes-And if life is not hard enough for the woman, there is a whole host of stereotypes we must attend to, Lack of promotions and respect in the workfield, the idea that we are less superior but must be homemakers, breadwinners and the freaking glue that holds all family structural units together- unless your mom is not #1. Not to mention some jerk keeps feeding us these cinderella stories about white horses and princes and shit like that which are non- existent. We need to revamp the tales we teach our children. For example, snow white should get with the dwarf- short,ugly and with a complex.Typically all my lovers.
5) Household Chores-Did I mention in stereotypes that I must also cook and clean. If you don't like to do it, why in the hell would I? There is no cleaning gene- well maybe, but it does not fall under maternal instincts.
6) On being promiscuous-What else reeks is the idea that I must remain celibate until you lucky devil comes to pluck my forbidden fruit; I am to remain pure and holy until your greatness blesses me with your divine cock. And when we are together I must not flirt nor sleep around bcause then I am a hoe and a cunt. Must we resort to name calling? How is Stacy doing by the way? And Mary-Kate, oh and that Alice girl too?
7)Sucking on Mr.Happy-Speaking of fellatio, unless you are a homosexual, I doubt guys have any idea what the hell it is like having a damn penis shoved down your throat, thumping and pulsing .Let's just say it is more fun for you than it is for us. On that note, we all don't want to be involved in threesomes with other women as hot as you find it. Will you be with another man for me. Because that really turns me on!
So since I don't want to turn this into a man bashing session and talk about how we are bad luck on pirate ships and the cause for the Beatles break-up,maybe I will look into a sex change so I can pee by the tree instead of squatting or having to wait until I reach at a restroom.