Praying mantis

In a constant state of ennui. I'd rather have rosacea or cake.
Doesn't matter what you have when you begin to vanish and cease to exist.
What do I have? Opportunity. Which is stagnant without drive and desire. The air is residual, the one that I have been breathing and continue to breathe. I should have suffocated on carbon monoxide by now.I must have used a thinly perforated bag. Too small to notice, but just enough to keep me alive. The living dead or zombies are akin to what I am.
walk

eat

breathe

eat brains and the like.
Maybe a parasite.

Is it possible to try and try and try again and not succeed? We are taught that if you put in the work and do long hours you will bear fruit and the results will be marvellous. 18 yrs x 16 hrs = ~ 105,120 hrs

My orchard bears sour fruit.