Bursted bubble

I keep thinking I am doing swell or even remotely better but although I won't say that I am worse I have not moved at all.
Everything triggers some chain reaction where I make mountains out of molehills. I see a face that looks like yours and my heart races. I see you and I lose focus.
I can't study,think clearly.I begin to get anxious and I want to smoke. I fidget, pull at the strings in my skirt.I uncap and recap the highlighter. I twist around in my chair and stretch and stress and breathe slowly to 6. Inhale,hold,exhale, release.

My heart races and I play music that keeps up with the tempo. Still fidgeting. I go through scenes in my head and replay them over and over. The point at which you said "hey", the point I came through the doors and saw you there, involved in YOUR work.This makes no sense. I have so much other things I could be doing. I got bored with yoga already and I am by no means a master. I am bored with myself. I know this to be true because there was nothing ever really there. But I created something, which is hard to destroy. So in response I withdraw. Into that place where sulk and melancholy go to sip coffee and talk over biscuits.

I play the "nobody gets me" (but you) card. Wrong hand to draw. I should have dealt the "Who,oh yeh, that guy.I completely forgot about him" or the "I am so wonderful, me,me, amazing me" card.

Its worse when I have let others see my weakness and my plight.They delight in it, in the fact that they are the strong one momentarily. They get to play shoulder-to-lean-on person and give the stupid advice-"you have so much going on for you, you are smart,pretty, great personality and he's not worth it." They never are. If I'm so wonderful what is the frickin' deal here?

Everyone else seems to be getting along just fine. Then I spilt my bubble tea (literally).