Like a raisin in the sun
I once read a mock vintage poster that said," KEEP PLACID,IMMERSE YOURSELF IN WORK."
And truly that is what I have been doing. Amidst the chaos I cannot admit to having found any peace or security, but I merely have been distracted. To the point where I am almost burnt out. I pretended to spiral out of control today-literally. I spun around with outstretched arms in the parking lot of a hospital, singing "whoooo,ooooo...." No one seemed to take notice.
I have certainly been up to much as of late: trying to exercise and feel wholly good and healthy, moving on further into my academic demise/career (however you deem fit) and of course, breaking people's trust.
Now you might say, "Oh what's so novel about that?" But I have been keeping it inside for a while and as inappropriate as it is I am just going to say it- bearing in mind my conscience is off playing in the park now that it's FINALLY warm! So, I have been checking and reading intimate emails of a friend/colleague.
It's terrible because I have taken the liberty of checking it as often as I check my personal email ( which is unhealthily often) or a newsletter I subscribe to. An online soap-opera of sorts. This friend is not in my top tier but more of an acquaintance. What a violation, but I can't stop. I find the details of this person's love affairs so passionate and heartfelt, something that should only be shared between the two parties involved.But there is a familiarity there that resounds, and I suppose until I am bored I may very well keep doing it.
My tendencies to act more feminine and feel soft,delicate and flirty have began to emerge once again. My body may be signaling me that I am very aroused or it may just be the summer heat. Either way, my new hobby of email-reading may be adding fuel to this as I no doubt think about the closeness others are engaging in. I walk around touching things a lot lately, feeling the texture and subtleties of various elements. Pine needles and grass have proven to be a favorite, but facial hair stubble would usurp them at a moment's notice. The former apple of my eye, now turned dried fruit for trail mix pops up as an option now and again- but only to be reminded of Aesop's fox and sour grapes fable.
Such a sour taste.
And truly that is what I have been doing. Amidst the chaos I cannot admit to having found any peace or security, but I merely have been distracted. To the point where I am almost burnt out. I pretended to spiral out of control today-literally. I spun around with outstretched arms in the parking lot of a hospital, singing "whoooo,ooooo...." No one seemed to take notice.
I have certainly been up to much as of late: trying to exercise and feel wholly good and healthy, moving on further into my academic demise/career (however you deem fit) and of course, breaking people's trust.
Now you might say, "Oh what's so novel about that?" But I have been keeping it inside for a while and as inappropriate as it is I am just going to say it- bearing in mind my conscience is off playing in the park now that it's FINALLY warm! So, I have been checking and reading intimate emails of a friend/colleague.
It's terrible because I have taken the liberty of checking it as often as I check my personal email ( which is unhealthily often) or a newsletter I subscribe to. An online soap-opera of sorts. This friend is not in my top tier but more of an acquaintance. What a violation, but I can't stop. I find the details of this person's love affairs so passionate and heartfelt, something that should only be shared between the two parties involved.But there is a familiarity there that resounds, and I suppose until I am bored I may very well keep doing it.
My tendencies to act more feminine and feel soft,delicate and flirty have began to emerge once again. My body may be signaling me that I am very aroused or it may just be the summer heat. Either way, my new hobby of email-reading may be adding fuel to this as I no doubt think about the closeness others are engaging in. I walk around touching things a lot lately, feeling the texture and subtleties of various elements. Pine needles and grass have proven to be a favorite, but facial hair stubble would usurp them at a moment's notice. The former apple of my eye, now turned dried fruit for trail mix pops up as an option now and again- but only to be reminded of Aesop's fox and sour grapes fable.
Such a sour taste.
posted by RulesofConduct at 2:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home